Saturday, September 1, 2012

Promises, Promises

We are not who we used to be.  We’ve been redeemed.  We have been set free by Christ.  The Scriptures tell us that anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old life is gone and a new life has begun [2Cor5.17]. 
 
Tom Petty sang about this truth with these lyrics: Square one, my slate is clear; Rest your head and meet my dear; It took a world of trouble, it took a world of tears; It took a long time to get back here
 
The road we traveled was full of trouble and tears but we have a clean slate.  We get to start anew.  Having a clean slate is not only about being redeemed by Christ is also means a significant change in our character.  My brother-in-law Marlin talks about God’s building permit that is on an automatic renewal for the remodel and renovation of his [Marlin’s] heart and mind.  God is never through changing us.  He is always in the business of “changing the way we think” which changes our behavior patterns. 
 
Even though we have a clean slate, we have not been set free from the consequences of the choices we made in our previous lives.  I believe I can say with a great degree of certainty that we have all left behind a trail of broken promises.  It is probably safe to say that anyone who is close to an addict knows the sorrow, pain, frustration, disappointment, and discouragement that accompany a broken promise. 
 
We’ve all made and broken promises – to others and to ourselves.  “I promise I’ll never do that again.”  “I was high.  I promise I’ll never yell at you again.”  “I was drunk.  I didn’t know what I was doing.  I promise, that will never happen again.”  “I was at happy hour and got distracted.  I promise, I’ll be more responsible with the kids.”  “I promise I won’t view pornography again.”  After a blackout, we promise ourselves we’ll never use to that degree again… ever! 
 
There is no question that we all make them.  The question is: How do we keep them?   The lingering learned behavior we need to modify is that of learning how to be a promise keeper instead of a promise breaker. 
 
Webster defines a promise as: "a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified; or a legally binding declaration that gives the person to whom it is made a right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of a specified act."  The Hebrew word, beriyth, often translated as promise or covenant, means “a solemn agreement with binding force”
 
According to Scripture, breaking a promise is equivalent to lying; to deceiving someone [Eph. 4.17-25]. 
 
A broken promise tells others that you don’t value them; that you have placed something else ahead of your commitment. 
 
A broken promise weakens or destroys any trust others have given you.
 
A broken promise has the potential to harm your already fragile self-worth and confidence.  
 
A broken promise tells others and yourself that your words have no value; that you lack integrity; that you lack any sense of commitment. 
 
So, how do we become a promise keeper? 
 
Say what you mean
It’s very important that you realize you have limited time, energy, skills and resources, and as much as you would like to, you can’t do everything – nor should you try.  Every time you’re getting ready to promise something, ask yourself: “Can I really keep this promise?” If the answer is not a definite “yes”, then don’t make that promise.  There is a very important mental leap you must take: to realize that you can’t and you don’t have to please everybody.  It’s ok to say “No.”  Even Jesus said “no.” [Mark 1.35-38]
 
When Jesus was teaching on keeping one’s vows, or promises, He concluded His teaching by saying, “Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.” [Matthew 5.37/NLT].   Another translations records Jesus’ words as “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ [NKJV].  In the Rimby translation it reads, “say what you mean.” 
 
State it in writing
For the first six months to two years, depending on the drug of choice, our memories are faulty and perception is skewed.  Until your brain heals, I suggest you state any and all difficult promises in writing, ie. what you will do to remain clean and sober or away from the porn sites.    When both parties are very clear on what is expected and the consequences of breaking that promise; it is more likely that the promise will be kept.
 
Start Small
People often dismiss small promises as unimportant, but that is just not true.   Little things like promising to take the garbage out may seem insignificant to you.  But if you don’t follow through on the “small stuff,” you demonstrate you can’t be trusted with the “big stuff.”   Conversely, you can build trust by demonstrating that you keep your word even on seemingly inconsequential things.  As you follow through on the small stuff, people will begin to see you as a promise keeper not a promise breaker.
 
Stay the course
Don’t rationalize or make excuses for yourself. Push, persist, and persevere despite what it costs you.  Following through on a difficult promise not only gives you satisfaction, but also raises the level of respect you receive from others.
 
For a great example of “staying the course,” read about David, the “man after God’s own heart,” and how he fulfilled a promise he had made a long time before the promise became a reality.  [2 Samuel  9.1-9.] 
 
Start over.
It’s easy to keep saying one thing and doing another, when your mind thinks it is no “big deal.”  Broken promises are the same as lying and deception   and they are a “big deal.”   You need to view broken promises or promises made to appease others as a character flaw that must be corrected to experience life to its full.  And the only way to correct this flaw is to allow God to “change the way you think” about the power of a promise – kept or broken.    
 
In a recent article I read on keeping promise, I noted the following: “Keeping promises and having integrity sound like things which are easy to master. But they are actually some of the hardest people skills to master. As you consciously and systemically work at improving your promise keeping skills, you will see some impressive changes in the quality of your relationships.”
 
 
Surrender.
A broken promise is equivalent to a lie; to deception.  Scripture calls those two sin!  You can never fully embrace and experience the Kingdom of God with sin in your life!
 
The process of becoming a promise keeper begins with repentance – literally, “having a change of heart.”  Then, make a promise to yourself to start over, to give yourself a clean slate; to view a promise as a binding statement and not a statement of appeasement. 
 
I made my Mom a promise that I would get and stay sober.  It took several tries but with the power of Christ working within me, I was able to fulfill that promise.  I was clean and sober for 18 years when she passed from this life to the next.  I know for a fact that in those first few years, she kept expecting me to break my promise --- again.  And I know for a fact, the joy it brought her heart when her son celebrated multiple years of sobriety.
 
Through the empowerment of Christ in you, it is never too late to keep a promise. 
 
Check out this video by Big Daddy Weave .. "Redeemed"
 
 
 

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