26 years ago, I surrendered my
life to Christ, immediately quit using drugs, and a few months later, I became
sober as well. During the process of
cleaning up, I met a young lady whom I thought was quite stuck on herself but,
after a few months of coaxing from a mutual friend, I started to date her. It didn’t take long to come to the conclusion
there was something incredible about this gal and I was convinced I wanted to
get to know her and perhaps, just perhaps, spend the rest of my life with
her.
Dawn and I were married 25 years
ago on May 31st. At Dawn’s
encouragement, we became part of a small group for Bible study. After joining the group, through a series of
conversations with my pastor, and witnessing the love of Christ among God’s
children at Calvary Baptist Church, I realized I was very confused about the
whole concept of love.
There seems to be a lot of
confusion in our culture about the meaning of love. We love our cars, our clothes, our food, our
pets, our toys, certain forms of entertainment, and certain people. Do we really understand what we’re
saying?
According to Psychology Today, mankind has searched for the true meaning of love
throughout history! So, welcome to
humanity’s continued quest to discover the answer to the age-old question: What is love and how does it manifest
itself in my life?
Psychologists portray love as a
cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. I’m by no means an expert on love but I have
studied the whole phenomenon for several years and have come to believe there
is more to love than what psychologist have discovered.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Money can’t buy you love. You can buy sex but you can’t buy love. Allow me to interject some thoughts about
sex, about intimacy. Sex is NOT
love. Sex is an expression of love and
is to be experienced within the context of marriage. It is not a weapon to be used as a
punishment, as an object offered as a reward, or as a means of self-validation
or gratification. Single ladies, if you
think sex will “win a guy,” you’re wrong.
Sex will not lead to
love or acceptance by the opposite sex.
There are lots of predators out there who will simply use you for
self-gratification, get bored, and then be gone out of your life. Whether you
get pregnant or not, they could care less!
And, I know for a fact that some of the predators are married!
Guys, if you’re a predator, if
you’re using sex – virtual or real – as a means of self-validation or
gratification, get some help! You have
serious issues.
You can’t love someone by “trying
harder.” When
things get tough in any relationship it takes more than human effort for true
forgiveness and restoration to be completed.
I’m convinced that only God can completely heal a weakened or wreaked
relationship.
If you’re one of those people who
is tired of trying harder, this series will be a breath of fresh air for you.
Love is risky. There is no “crystal ball” to predict how
your love will be received or how your relationship will develop or deteriorate
over time. You can get hurt. Yet it
remains humanity’s highest calling and universal desire. Human love is fragile; God’s love is firm and
forever.
I am convinced that the only
indisputable fact about love is that learning about it is a lifelong
process! No one has perfect knowledge of
what love really is except the one who is love: God. (1John4.16)
Let’s move away from my opinions
and look at what the word of God – the Bible – says about love.
Love is multi-faceted. There are three Greek words used in the Bible translated into
English as “love.” Philos which is love for a friend. Jesus states that there is no greater love
than to lay down one’s life for a friend.
The second word is agape. Most Christians have heard long sermons and
attended classes concerning agape which is technically defined as unconditional love. It is often defined as the love God has for
humanity. Agape eliminates the “if/then”
from our relationship with others. The
third word is eros. Eros is the root word for erotic.
The Bible says love has three
components: Philos, Agape, and
Eros. What that means is that we are to
love one another with Philos and Agape.
Our spouses are to be our friends,
we are to love them without condition, and they – and only spouses – are to be
our lovers. (We are to love them with
APE love – that’s Agape, Philos, and Eros! Just a little humor
there!)
I want to have us memorize one
verse for this entire series…
1 Corinthians 14.1a – “Let love be your highest goal.”
That verse will be the glue that
binds all the sessions together as we talk about kindness, patience, speaking the truth in love, serving each other
and forgiveness.
Why is love the highest goal? Matthew
22.37-39; because Jesus commands it!
And Galatians 5.14
Let’s take a quick look at what
has come to be known as the “love chapter.”
1 Corinthians 13.1-13
Summary of 1-13 = Love is the primary objective in life.
v.1 - If I don’t live a life of
love, nothing I say will
matter. Words without love are
worthless.
v. 2- If I don’t live a life of
love, nothing I know will
matter. Brilliance without love equals
zero.
v. 3- If I don’t live a life of
love, nothing I give will
matter. Buying gifts to compensate for
lack of time with kids.
What your kids, your spouse want
is YOU!! Giving is not necessarily love.
v.3- If I don’t live a life of love,
nothing I accomplish will
matter. Relationships are more important
than accomplishments.
v. 13-Love is the greatest power in life. In my years of ministry, I’ve been with
individuals as they are in their last moments of life here on earth. No one has ever asked to be surrounded with
their diplomas, their stuff, their cars, their stock portfolio … what they ask
for is the people they love.
God has shown us how to leave a lasting legacy – to “live a life
filled with love. “ (Eph. 5:2) May our legacy be how we lived a a life of love for God and others!
Now we know why we are to live a
life filled with love, we’ll discover how!
This is what I’d like us to do
during this series of messages: commit to attending all sessions, going to
church together if possible, and putting into action what we learn.
For Discussion with spouse, family, and/or friends:
Who is the
most loving person you have ever known, and what did their life look like? What practical advice do you think they would
give you about how to show love to the people in your life? (spouse, kids,
neighbors)
We learned
that if we don’t live a life of love, nothing we say, know, give, or accomplish
will matter. Which of these speaks to
you? How can you improve in that area?
Read Matthew
22.37-39. What does it look like in your
life to love God with your whole being?
How can loving others (spouse, kids, neighbor) be an act of
worship?
Doing one
thing differently this week:
Turn
talk into action by reaching out to one person this week in a loving, unselfish
way.
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