Cone of Shame

Our overall theme for the gathering was experiencing the love of Christ, a love that is so great it cannot be explained only experienced.

One of the stars of the movie “Up” created a national phenomenon when he stated, “I do not like the cone of shame.”   Almost immediately after the movie’s release, t-shirts, bumper stickers, and a variety of products were sold depicting the fad phrase, “I do not like the cone of shame.” 

Frankly, no one likes nor should anyone wear the cone of shame. 

Shame has captured the hearts of numerous individuals – addicts and normies – keeping them from becoming all God intends for them to be.  Shame tells people they are worthless, it creates feelings of self-loathing and thoughts of self-destruction, and it freezes the heart with feelings of nothingness. 

The cone of shame is not a natural occurring feeling.  The cone of shame is a distortion of guilt and has its origin is in the words and actions of others.  

According to several on-line sources, there is a very distinct difference between guilt and shame.

Guilt says I've done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I've made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what I did was not good; shame says I am no good." Bradshaw (1988). (you can request the entire hand-out if you so desire – just drop me an email.)

You can say that shame is the equivalent to the feeling of condemnation.

There’s a story in the Bible about a young lady who made a lifestyle choice which, according to the Law of the OT, was punishable by being stoned to death; certainly seen by the religious leaders of the day as worthy of the cone of shame.  

John 8.1-11.  v.1-6 – The “teachers and Pharisees” were individuals in positions of power.  In these verses we witness an attempt by them to shame the young lady (where was the man?); to control Jesus (“in order to have a basis for accusing him”); and attempt to control the crowds (making the woman stand before the group was like a “word of warning”).   In my opinion, these leaders had “issues” and were full of deceit and manipulation.  People in positions of authority can abuse their power by trying to place the cone of shame on others in an attempt to control them. 

In our lives we may have experienced individuals in positions of power (parents; preachers; church-goers) attempt to control us by placing the cone of shame on us. 

v.7-9 – No one knows what “dirty words” Jesus wrote in the dirt.  We DO know that whatever it was, it convicted every one of the “stoners!”  Not a one of them was without sin and therefore unable to cast the first stone.

If we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we have a tendency to think we can “cast the first stone” and place the cone of shame on others.

There are two words with the same root word that can prevent us from attempting to place the cone of shame on others. 

Human and humility have the same root word: humus.  Humus is better known in this part of the country as black, rich top soil.  

Humility means to have a down-to-earth understanding of who we are.  To be humble means not to compare!  The ground is level at the foot of the cross!  We all come seeking a Savior; seeking atonement.  Not a one of us is perfect; we’ve all made mistakes; we’ve all messed up. 

We are all human beings and mistakes are part of being human. We all make them.  Paul writes in Ephesians 2.10 that we are God’s masterpiece – that’s every one of us.  That means that neither you nor anyone else is a “mistake” and deserves to wear the cone of shame.  We are all a work in progress.  And, thankfully, God isn’t done with us yet!  He has planted His word in the soil of our soul and by His grace continues to cultivate it empowering you and I to become what He intends for us to be.  Amazing love; amazing grace.

v. 10-11.  Jesus states, “I don’t condemn you.” I’ll paraphrase His statement by stating, “You don’t need to wear the cone of shame.”  Jesus doesn’t condone her behavior nor does he place the cone of shame on her.   He does not condemn her but He tells her to “go and sin no more.” 

Maybe you, like the young lady, have done something in your past that you yourself believe is worthy of the cone of shame or perhaps someone in your life – a parent, peer – has placed the cone of shame on you.  YOU do not need to wear the cone of shame!   Jesus doesn’t condemn you!!  Jesus didn’t give you the cone of shame, but he can certainly remove it!    He removed it on the cross.  Amazing love, amazing grace!