“Love … keeps no record of being wronged.” 1 Corinthians 13.5/NLT
There are so many misconceptions about forgiveness; I thought it
would be best to start with what forgiveness is NOT!!
Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the
offense. To minimize the
offense cheapens forgiveness. There are
two degrees or levels of hurt we experience and that require forgiveness on our
part. The first is what I call
“wounded.” Someone has accidently hurt
you. A friend or loved one took your
place in line; forgot your birthday; didn’t put the lid down on the toilet,
etc. In most cases, the offender didn’t
even realize they had offended you!
Frankly, when the offender tells you they are sorry, you need to get
over it and move on.
The second level of hurt is that you were wronged – someone has
intentionally hurt you. It’s at this
level of hurt that forgiveness gets tough.
Yet, we’re directed in Ephesians 4.32 we are to forgive one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven us –
no matter how serious the offense or deep the hurt.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. It is choosing not to hold the offense
against someone. God is omniscient – He
has perfect knowledge of the past, present and future. Therefore, it is impossible for God to
forget. He can choose “not to remember”
(Jeremiah 31.34); to not hold a sin against us but He cannot forget. Forgiveness makes that same choice!
Forgiveness is not resuming the relationship without
changes. When someone has
wronged you, or you have wronged someone, restoring the relationship takes
time, effort, and God’s mercy and grace working within you and that other
person.
This is very important to understand: forgiveness occurs
instantaneously and takes care of the damage done. Trust is lost in an instant and is rebuilt
over a long period of time. Simply
saying, “I’m sorry” or “I’ll never do that again” will not instantly restore the trust.
Rick Warren writes that to restore a relationship, the offender
must: demonstrate true repentance, make restitution wherever possible, and re-build
trust over time.
We forgive by grace; trust by works! Trust – it’s gotta’ be earned!
Ok. Now let’s look at what forgiveness IS!
Forgiveness
relinquishes
the right to get even. When
someone hurts us, our first thought is for revenge; to get even; to settle the
score. There’s a saying within our community:
First thought wrong. Getting even
is always first thought wrong. Romans
12.19 states, Dear
friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the
Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.
First thought wrong does
nothing but create resentment and bitterness within us. Spiritually, the spirit of un-forgiveness
keeps us from fully experiencing the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is not a place we go to
after we’re dead. It is the spiritual
reality in which we dwell in this life – and the next – where Jesus is Lord and
we take seriously what He says about life and we do our best to live life as He
instructs. Jesus says that “The
Kingdom of God can’t be detected by visible signs. You won’t be able to say, ‘Here it is!’ or
‘It’s over there!’ For the Kingdom of God is already among you.” (Luke
17.21&22) The apostle Paul wrote
this concerning the Kingdom of God: For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink,
but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
(Romans 14.17)
If we have not forgiven, every
time we think of the offender or the offensive, we open the door of our heart
to the sin of bitterness and resentment.
And we cannot and will not fully
experience the Kingdom of God in a sinful state.
First thought wrong ruins today and makes a mess of tomorrow!
When we say the Lord’s Prayer, we
state, “forgive our (debts, sins, trespasses) as we forgive our “debtors, those
who have sinned against us, those who have trespassed against) us.” We
can’t receive from God what we’re not willing to offer others!
Forgiveness responds to evil with good. Luke 6. 27&28 “But to you who are willing to listen, I
say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who
hurt you.” Do good… bless… and pray.
Forgiveness
keeps
on forgiving as long as necessary!
Then Peter came
to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against
me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!
(Matthew 18.21&22)
How do we know when we have forgiven someone? There are four indicators that we have
forgiven someone:
1. when you can wish
someone well and mean it
2. when there is no more
pain
3. when you pray for their
blessing
4. when you can see “their hurt.”
Allow me to get very personal.
I’m sorry you have been hurt. I’m
not asking you to forget the wrong that has been done. I am asking you to forgive the offender – to
let it go so you can fully experience the Kingdom of God.
I can hear you saying, “Oh, I just can’t. The hurt is too deep. The wrong is too horrible. The pain pierces my heart. Honestly, I want revenge.”
In that state of mind, you are intoxicated. The word intoxicated means to be full of toxins. You have the toxins of resentment;
bitterness; un-forgiveness in the recesses of your heart. You need to detox! And the only way to get rid of those toxins
is to forgive!
Don’t try to forgive someone by your own power. You can’t.
That’s why you need Jesus in your life.
The first step to freedom is to recognize and accept God’s forgiveness
through Christ. Then ask for HIS
strength and power to go through you to forgive others.
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