Constructive Sorrow

Constructive Sorrow

 A friend of mine just had a “procedure.”  (That’s what it’s called when we get older.)  The night before his “procedure,” he did an internet search to find out what was going to happen to him the next day.  80% of the comments on-line were negative!  “I’m worse off now than before.”  “I’m sorry I ever allowed this to happen!”  “I experience more pain now than before the surgery – it didn’t help at all!”  When he arrived at the surgical center, he was ready to cancel the procedure.  He voiced his concern to the surgeon who replied, “Well.  I’ve never had a patient want to cancel on the day OF the surgery.  Usually, they cancel a couple days ahead of time.” 

After discussing the consequences of NOT having the surgery – losing his bladder! – my friend’s response was “git ‘er dun!” 

Sometimes in life what we think will bring us nothing but sorrow and pain is, in reality, the best thing we can do for ourselves and our family and friends. 

 Many of us have experienced sorrow and pain in our lives.  Maybe not from a dreaded surgery, but an event that permeates our souls with feelings of conviction and sorrow.  In the past we may have numbed our senses with alcohol, drugs, food, or pornography to escape the memories of those experiences that have caused sorrow. 

Sorrow.  An emotion we would rather not experience.  But, like the surgical procedure my friend wanted to avoid, in our spiritual lives, sorrow for the mistakes we’ve made and the hurt we’ve caused has a plus side. Sorrow has some hidden benefits. 

2 Corinthians 7.8-13 (read entire passage)

Cliff notes:

·         Guilt is a means to an end not an end in itself. 

·         The kind of sorrow [guilt] God desires is a sorrow that leads to a changed life!

·         Godly sorrow leads to repentance and repentance leads to a visible change in our lives.  Can your family and friends see a difference in you?  Do you respond differently to life’s challenges? 

·         Here’s a word of caution about others seeing a visible change in our lives:  Don’t expect family and friends to believe the change is real at first.  In the past, you’ve probably broken your promise of “change” more than once.  Be prepared to experience their doubt for months, or perhaps years, before they can see a real change in you.

·         Find hope, healing, and freedom in Christ! 

v. 8-9.   Paul isn’t glad because his letter hurt the Christians in Corinth.  He was glad because the pain forced them to deal with the issues they faced on a personal level as well as on a church level.  The purpose of this meeting and the workbooks distributed two weeks ago is not to create worldly pain or sorrow.  The purpose is to be an instrument that God can use to bring about a genuine change in your life; to empower you to live life differently. 

When we are forced to deal with issues on a personal level, we often encounter deep seated feelings of guilt.  Guilt in the context of this passage is the feeling of sorrow for our sins – those issues we must deal with for holistic recovery. 

Guilt is a means to an end not an end in itself.  God doesn’t say, “I’m going to make you squirm awhile and teach you a lesson.”  He says, “Ok.  Now that you recognize your mistake, what are we going to do about it?” 

God’s purpose for His conviction is that you would “repent and change your ways.”  The word used here for repentance means: a change of mind, a change of heart, a change of attitude…”I’m sorry and I am going to do something about it! I am going to change with God’s help!”

 v. 10… There are two kinds of sorrow [guilt] that God does NOT desire.  There is a sorrow that can be counter-productive. There is a fine line between godly guilt and the “cone of shame.  Shame is destructive as it allows us to continue to feel pain and sorrow AFTER we have been convicted of our sins, AFTER we have confessed them to God, AFTER we have sought forgiveness and made the commitment to change.

Shame says I deserve all this baggage I’m carrying; I am worthless. 

Guilt says I’ve made some bad choices; I’ve got some character flaws that need correction; I’ve got relationships that aren’t healthy and need healing.  And with God’s help, I’m going to do the painful work of repentance and change in my life.   

That’s the kind of sorrow [guilt] God desires.  A sorrow that leads to a changed life!

We’re taught there is a difference between “godly” sorrow, and “worldly” sorrow – “worldly” says, “I am sorry that I got caught!” – “godly” says, “Now that God has helped me see these sins, I must do something about them!”

Here’s a good example of the difference.   A husband and wife are driving down Pershing Avenue.  The wife tells her husband to turn right at the next junction and by mistake, he turns left. When he realizes what he has done, he says to his wife “I’m sorry love, I went the wrong way.” But if that is all he does, it isn’t enough. His saying sorry isn’t getting them any closer to where they want to be; it isn’t even stopping them getting further away.

To get where they want to be, he needs to stop the car, turn it around and go back on to the correct road that his wife told him to take in the first place. That is the kind of repentance God desires.

v. 11… Paul writes that godly sorrow leads to repentance and repentance leads to a visible change in our lives.  Can your family and friends see a difference in you?  Do you respond differently to life’s challenges? 

Here’s a word of caution about others seeing a visible change in our lives:  Don’t expect family and friends to believe the change is real at first.  In the past, you’ve probably broken your promise of “change” more than once.  Be prepared to experience their doubt for months, or perhaps years, before they can see a real change in you.

Taking an honest look at our character flaws can be painful and, in many cases, create feelings of sorrow.  But just like my friend who wanted to cancel his surgery because of the “fear of the unknown,” I encourage you to allow God to “surgically” remove those character flaws through “the sorrow and pain that leads us away from sin and results in salvation.” 

Don’t leave here tonight carrying the baggage you came with.  Leave it at the foot of the cross. 

Find hope, healing, and freedom in Christ! 

Personal Application:

      Read 2 Corinthians 7.10.  What comes to mind as you read this verse?

       At a level you are comfortable with, share with those in your group an area of your life you need to experience Godly sorrow.

      In your opinion, what does “worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death” mean? 

      What is one thing you will do differently this coming week?

       Who will you ask to hold you accountable for this action?