Monday, July 30, 2012

Forgiveness


“Love … keeps no record of being wronged.”  1 Corinthians 13.5/NLT

There are so many misconceptions about forgiveness; I thought it would be best to start with what forgiveness is NOT!!

Forgiveness is not minimizing the seriousness of the offense.  To minimize the offense cheapens forgiveness.  There are two degrees or levels of hurt we experience and that require forgiveness on our part.  The first is what I call “wounded.”  Someone has accidently hurt you.  A friend or loved one took your place in line; forgot your birthday; didn’t put the lid down on the toilet, etc.  In most cases, the offender didn’t even realize they had offended you!  Frankly, when the offender tells you they are sorry, you need to get over it and move on. 

The second level of hurt is that you were wronged – someone has intentionally hurt you.  It’s at this level of hurt that forgiveness gets tough.  Yet, we’re directed in Ephesians 4.32 we are to forgive one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven us – no matter how serious the offense or deep the hurt.  

Forgiveness is not forgetting.  It is choosing not to hold the offense against someone.  God is omniscient – He has perfect knowledge of the past, present and future.  Therefore, it is impossible for God to forget.  He can choose “not to remember” (Jeremiah 31.34); to not hold a sin against us but He cannot forget.  Forgiveness makes that same choice!

Forgiveness is not resuming the relationship without changes.  When someone has wronged you, or you have wronged someone, restoring the relationship takes time, effort, and God’s mercy and grace working within you and that other person. 

This is very important to understand: forgiveness occurs instantaneously and takes care of the damage done.  Trust is lost in an instant and is rebuilt over a long period of time.  Simply saying, “I’m sorry” or “I’ll never do that again”  will not instantly restore the trust. 

Rick Warren writes that to restore a relationship, the offender must: demonstrate true repentance, make restitution wherever possible, and re-build trust over time.

We forgive by grace; trust by works!  Trust – it’s gotta’ be earned! 

Ok.  Now let’s look at what forgiveness IS! 

Forgiveness relinquishes the right to get even.  When someone hurts us, our first thought is for revenge; to get even; to settle the score. There’s a saying within our community:  First thought wrong.  Getting even is always first thought wrong.  Romans 12.19 states,    Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

First thought wrong does nothing but create resentment and bitterness within us.  Spiritually, the spirit of un-forgiveness keeps us from fully experiencing the Kingdom of God.  The Kingdom of God is not a place we go to after we’re dead.  It is the spiritual reality in which we dwell in this life – and the next – where Jesus is Lord and we take seriously what He says about life and we do our best to live life as He instructs.  Jesus says that “The Kingdom of God can’t be detected by visible signs.  You won’t be able to say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘It’s over there!’ For the Kingdom of God is already among you.” (Luke 17.21&22)  The apostle Paul wrote this concerning the Kingdom of God: For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14.17)

If we have not forgiven, every time we think of the offender or the offensive, we open the door of our heart to the sin of bitterness and resentment.  And we cannot and will not fully experience the Kingdom of God in a sinful state. 

First thought wrong ruins today and makes a mess of tomorrow! 
When we say the Lord’s Prayer, we state, “forgive our (debts, sins, trespasses) as we forgive our “debtors, those who have sinned against us, those who have trespassed against) us.” We can’t receive from God what we’re not willing to offer others! 

Forgiveness responds to evil with good.  Luke 6. 27&28 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.  Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.” Do good… bless… and pray. 

Forgiveness keeps on forgiving as long as necessary!  Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”  “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! (Matthew 18.21&22)

How do we know when we have forgiven someone?  There are four indicators that we have forgiven someone:
1.  when you can wish someone well and mean it
2.  when there is no more pain
3.  when you pray for their blessing
4. when you can see “their hurt.”

Allow me to get very personal.  I’m sorry you have been hurt.  I’m not asking you to forget the wrong that has been done.  I am asking you to forgive the offender – to let it go so you can fully experience the Kingdom of God.

I can hear you saying, “Oh, I just can’t.  The hurt is too deep.  The wrong is too horrible.  The pain pierces my heart.  Honestly, I want revenge.”

In that state of mind, you are intoxicated.  The word intoxicated means to be full of toxins.  You have the toxins of resentment; bitterness; un-forgiveness in the recesses of your heart.  You need to detox!  And the only way to get rid of those toxins is to forgive! 

Don’t try to forgive someone by your own power.  You can’t.  That’s why you need Jesus in your life.  The first step to freedom is to recognize and accept God’s forgiveness through Christ.  Then ask for HIS strength and power to go through you to forgive others.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” -- Lewis Smedes


Friday, July 20, 2012

Confrontation



How many have received education beyond high school?  Tonight, you’re going to earn a Master’s Degree from the University of Hard Knocks. 

Tonight you’re going to be taught something that no one else teaches.  In fact, I would venture to guess that none of us has mastered the skill we’re going to look at tonight.  That’s because no one teaches it – no one except the University of Hard Knocks. 

Tonight, I want to share with you some basic spiritual principles I learned at the University of Hard Knocks from Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church about “speaking the truth in love” – loving confrontation.  Loving confrontation is speaking the truth in love in a manner that builds rather than destroys a relationship with spouse, peers, children, your employer or fellow employees.  And, specifically, a fellow addict!   

The two key Scriptures are:  1 Corinthians 13.6.. “Love … rejoices when the truth wins out.” And, Ephesians 4.15 – “we will speak the truth in love; growing in every way more and more like Christ…”  (my emphasis added)

When we look at the life of Christ we discover that there were times He avoided conflict, times He resolved conflict, and times when He created conflict.  All three are appropriate in your relationships.  There are times when loving confrontation is the best solution to some conflict in your life.  Other times, the most loving thing you can do is avoid it. 

Truth and love go together. 

Deception, manipulation, lying, and love are like oil and water.  They simply do not mix! 

Here’s four spiritual principles taught at the University of Hard Knocks to help us determine the how, when and what of loving confrontation.

Check your motive. 

You should ask yourself, “Why do I feel the need to confront this person?  What is my motive?”  There are lots of wrong motives: revenge; feel superior; assert your authority; belittle the other person.  But there is only ONE right motive:  You honestly want to help someone not hurt them.  That is so key!  If you’re coming to the table with the wrong motive, the only thing you going to accomplish is deepening the conflict. 

Your motive should be like that of the apostle Paul when he was writing to the church in Corinth…

I wrote that letter in great anguish, with a troubled heart and many tears. I didn’t want to grieve you, but I wanted to let you know how much love I have for you. 2 Corinthians 2:4 (NLT)

Dawn and I had to learn to confront one another.  It is a learning process.  But if you want your relationships to move from superficial (oh, we’re just so happy; I love everybody at work, blah, blah, blah) to a close one, you have to learn struggle through the process of loving confrontation. 

Plan your presentation.

A spontaneous response to conflict will always fail; always hurt more than it helps.  Always engage your mind before you put your mouth in gear!  

 Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed. Proverbs 16.3 (Amplified)

Ever had an “oops moment” with email.  Your words are like an email.  Once you hit “send,” you can’t get them back.

 To prevent an “oops moment,” Rick Warren suggests three elements for your plan:

One.  Plan when you going to sat it.  (not tired; under stress; busy)

Two.  Plan what you’re going to say.  (with humility and gentleness)

Three.  Plan how you’re going to say it.  Tone it down.  Use feeling words. 


Rick Warren often states, “Truth + tact + timing = transformation

 Give them affirmation. 

 Affirm that you love and care about them; that you believe they can change, and that your relationship can be closer/better.

 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. (Ephesians 4.29, NLT)

Risk rejection. 

Loving confrontation is scary because you have no idea how they will react.  You don’t know if they’ll attack back, walk away, throw something, or end any and all communication with you.   

The extremely challenging aspect of this is that one confronting must be willing to absorb the initial anger. 

Speaking the truth in love:  Check your motive, plan your presentation, affirm the person you are confronting, and risk rejection – And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus … (Colossians 3.17, NLT). 



Sunday, July 8, 2012

rain



Rain.

To this drought striken part of Wyoming,
God brought relief
in the form of
rain.

Rain.

Brings life to God's creation.

Brings life to "my mountain."

Brings life.

Have you ever been really thirsty?

Ever seen one of God's creatures so thirsty
their tongue is hanging out longing for relief?

Psalm 42.1
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God."

Is your soul thirsty?

God brings life to the drought striken areas of our lives. 


Saturday, July 7, 2012

Engulfed in Flames




Thursday night,
Remedy
was all about
celebrating
FREEDOM in CHRIST

I must confess that when I grill
burgers, brats, chicken or wieners,
they are often
engulfed in flames! 

After being engulfed in flames,
40 hamburger patties, 48 "all-beef" wieners,
and 2 Veggie Burgers,
became the feast for
an estimated 40 individuals.

The "flame-grilled"
meat was accompanied by
beans, chips, salads,
cookies, and cake
provided by
individuals who have
found freedom in Christ.

We came together as a "new family"
to develop a stronger sense
of community.

I love my "new family."

And, thank you to 
Cheyenne Alliance Church
for hosting
Remedy's Family BBQ! 

(FYI... I did not set the 
building on fire!)