A higher standard for Christians

On the journey of recovery, we have to learn to live life differently; we need to learn new ways of seeing things, new ways of responding, and new guidelines for making decisions.  

And while no one plans to mess up their life, few have a plan on how NOT to mess up.  To keep us on the path of recovery, we need a plan to help us regret proof our lives.

Frankly, if we don’t have new guidelines for making decisions, we will end up precisely where we had no intention of going!

Whether we recognize it or not, every time we make a decision, it is preceded by a series of questions.  Sometimes we ask them out loud; sometimes we simply process them in our subconscious.  Typically we question whether something is moral, ethical, legal, or harmful.   According to Scripture, the question is not whether something is moral, ethical, legal, or harmful.  For Christians, there’s another question even more important than those – it is the BEST QUESTION EVER.   The Best Question Ever will help us stay out of the situations and circumstances that rob us of our potential, our opportunities, and our future. 

The Best Question Ever is found in a letter written by the apostle Paul as an encouragement to the first followers of Christ in Ephesus.  Ephesians 5.15- “So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.”

The Best Question Ever is “Is this the wise thing for ME to do?” 

 The question you and I must ask is NOT is this right, is this ethical, is this culturally acceptable, is there a “thou shalt not” in the Bible about this.  Those are the wrong questions.  They set forth the wrong standard.  All of us have done things that are right and ethical but they were “unwise.”  And we who state we are followers of Christ are instructed to live “like those who are wise.”

In an attempt to regret proof your life, you should ask Best Question Ever of every relationship, every opportunity, and every invitation.

The Best Question Ever engages the past, the present, and the future. 

“In light of my past experience, what is the wise thing to do?”

“In light of current circumstances, what is the wise thing to do?”

“In light of my future hopes and dreams, what is the wise thing to do?” 

What is the wise thing for me to do?  It’s a new standard isn’t it? 

God didn’t tell us to be wise without giving us some guidelines on how to be wise. 

Here’s how to Regret Proof your life:

Think (ask the Best Question Ever) (Ephesians 5.15)

Pray (for understanding what God wants you to do.) (Proverbs 3.5/6)

Ask (wise counsel from someone you trust  - Proverbs 12.15)

Act not React! (Proverbs 13.16)

Wisdom is part of the transformation process that God desires for you.  Transformation is not simply asking the Best Question Ever, it is allowing God to change the way you make decisions and living out those changes.

*Information without transformation is nothing more than endless repetition.

Grave Injustice

“Hoodie-mania” is racist.

The loss of human life is always a tragedy.  My heart hurts for the parents of the young man who lost his life.  The world will not be the same place now that he is not with us.  I believe that each life – regardless of race, religion, color, or gender – is precious to God.  I believe God is grieving with the young man’s family and friends over this tragic incident.

What bothers me about the national outcry over this tragic event is the underlying racism.  Why is it that when a white person harms or kills a black person, the nation goes crazy?  Senators, the president, radio talk show hosts, the media, the bloggers and the general public go ballistic with protests, demonstrations, calls for “justice,” and sermons preached – all in an uproar about this “grave injustice.” 

Where was that same uproar a few months ago when a white teen was killed by an illegal Mexican who was illegally driving a vehicle?

Where was the national uproar when a white female was gunned down in Arizona by illegal Mexicans? 

Where is the uproar when a black man robs a convenient store and shoots the white attendant?

Is it not a “grave injustice” when a white person violently loses their life?  Where are the calls for justice from our politicians, media, and churches?

Any time a human being loses their life to violence, it is a “grave injustice!”  It is a “hate crime.”

The tragic, violent loss of a person’s life should create a national outcry whether it is at an abortion clinic, an urban street, the wind swept plains, a corn field, or a battlefield – regardless of their race, religion, color, or gender!   

Get R.E.A.L.

Prayer is the key to recovery. 

In Luke 11.1-4, Jesus tells us to pray prayers that are SINCERE.

The Lord’s Prayer is a model prayer to help us:

1.        Realize our most basic needs come from God

2.       Recognize we are weak

3.       Remember we must totally rely on God

 In Luke 11.5-13, Jesus teaches us that our prayers should be bold, persistent, SHAMELESS. 

Prayer is not a way to try to control God, or even get what we want.  As he [Jesus] says in Luke’s gospel the answer to every prayer is one, the same, and the best: the Holy Spirit.  God gives us power more than answers.  (Rohr, Breathing Underwater, p. 61)

Our prayers should be R.E.A.L. (another model)

                R = Recognize to whom you are praying

                E = Express gratitude

                A = Ask for whatever it you need

                L = Live out your prayers with confidence knowing they are answered.  (Yes, No, Wait) 

God always answers our prayers.  The Holy Spirit gives us spiritual understanding (power) to recognize, accept, and live HIS answer – often times it is NOT the answer we think it should be or want! 

Set aside a daily INTENTIONAL time of prayer and use POPCORN prayers as needed throughout the day! 

no more stress

A good friend of mine called me aside last week to share some great things that were going on in his life.  He told me of going to WalMart and buying a puzzle to help him cope with the stress of his job. 

 “I just kept it in my office and when things got overly stressful, I would simply take a minute or two and work on it.  It really helped me.”

 I’m not a puzzle person so I acknowledged that it was a good thing if it worked for him. 

He went on to say that he was pretty proud of himself as it only took three weeks for him to complete the puzzle. 

Giving him a curious look, I asked what he meant; why he was so pleased with himself. 

He smiled and said, “It says right on the box, 2 to 4 years!” 

Cows and Calves

You know me.  I hate to disagree with the “experts.”  However, I must!  According to the “experts,” the phrase, sucking hind tit, means to feed from an inferior source of food; to be the youngest or most neglected child; to be last in line. (http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/suck_hind_tit). 

 Let me set the record straight! 

 I grew up learning about life from my Grandpa.  He homesteaded on the Judith River and became a prominent rancher in Montana.  My Grandma was the first white child born in the Judith River basin country.  My great-grandfather was the subject of one of Charlie Russell’s painting.  (The painting now hangs in the C.M. Russell museum in Great Falls, Montana.)   All that to say, I come from a long line of fiercely independent individuals who never backed away from a challenge or adversity!

 When Grandpa would use the term, sucking hind tit, to describe a yearling [calf], it meant that, literally, “that s.o.b. has to go!” and the yearling would be separated from the mother.

 Here’s why.  The hind-tit-suckers were calves born mid-summer and were too young to be separated from their mother in the fall.  Rather than risk the calf being unable to survive the winter, Grandpa would allow the calf to stay with its mother during the winter.

 The problem would arise when the cow would have another calf and the older calf would continue to nurse along with the new calf!  The older calf, much to the dislike of the mother, would continue to nurse the “hind-tit.”  If you’ve ever milked a cow, you know that a larger amount of milk is stored in the hind quarters of the bag! 

The older calf, fully able to grow and mature on grass, was supplementing its diet by sucking the hind tit robbing the needed nourishment of the younger calf thereby putting it at risk. 

In “cowboy vocabulary,” sucking hind tit is not a term used to describe someone that needs our concern, sorrow, or help.  It means someone who is fully able to fend for themself yet chooses to remain dependent thereby using valuable resources needed by those who truly need them. 

Want a couple of examples?

I’ve recently talked to two active users who told me with the extended unemployment benefits they have no desire to go to work.  Why work when I can continue to use without working?  That’s sucking the hind tit! 

I know of a young mother living with a young man who has a good paying job.  They live in a nice house, drive fairly new cars, and the three kids from different dads are well dressed, well fed, and have numerous new toys.  The reason they won’t get married is because they would lose all the government benefits paid to a “single mom”!  That’s sucking the hind tit! 

Hear that sucking sound?  That’s the sound of the resources needed by those in need being sucked up by those who are ‘sucking the hind tit’! 

A Perfect Day

No one wakes up one morning and says, “I think this is the perfect day to become an addict so I can lose my job,  destroy my life, disrupt my family, divorce my spouse, DUI and kill someone,  go to prison, and maybe even experience an early death!”  No one is that stupid.  Becoming addicted to anything … food, sex, drugs, alcohol, exercise, hoarding, … is a process. 

The process of addiction has 2 elements: stages and cycle

 We read Proverbs 23. 29-35 and discovered the stages of addiction:  Experimentation, Occasional Use, Regular Use or Activity, Denial, and Addiction.

 Once addicted to substance or behavior, it continues to suck you down and down deeper until you are totally consumed and controlled by your addiction.  That “sucking sound” is called the cycle of addiction.

 The cycle of addiction:  Pain (fear, trigger, circumstance, etc.), Hit Bottom (I can’t do this anymore – I need a way out!), Seek Relief, Use or Do (that substance or behavior that provides relief), Feel good (temporary relief), Crash (substance or behavior doesn’t provide continuous relief), Tolerance (the brain thinks an elevated dopamine level is normal and wants more), Pain x2 (initial “pain” plus the crash so more is “needed”), and the cycle starts over again.

Breaking the process of addiction is also a PROCESS.  

Ron ‘s “Theology of Recovery” from Ephesians 3.14- 5.20

Encountering God, the Creator of everything [Eph. 3.14]             

Experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit [3.16]

Power to change core beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors

Experiencing the love of Christ [3.19]

A love that is so great it cannot be explained only experienced.

Experiencing becoming a fully functioning human through the implantation of Christ [3.17-19] “No longer I who lives in me.”

Experiencing Being accountable to a “new” family [4.1-6] of grace, love, forgiveness, safety, and accountability. Being honest with self, others, and God.

Experiencing and Embracing becoming a “new person” through the process of refinement [4.22-5.20]

Recovery is a process.

 Remedy’s logo was designed to visually represent the process of recovery.

Remedy appreciates the value of the plethora of twelve step programs, utilizes some of the principles set forth, and embraces the insights to recovery presented in their linear approaches to recovery.  Remedy offers an alternative path to holistic recovery that is not linear.  While there is a starting point and a destination, the journey of recovery can be described as a fractal.  (A fractal: something considered simple and orderly that is actually composed of repeated patterns no matter how magnified and is almost infinitely complex.) 

Remedy views the path to recovery not as simple and orderly but as infinitely complex and a lifelong process composed of repeated patterns.  Remedy believes that spiritual transformation empowers individuals to view life as less complex and equips them to alter their repeated patterns as they “change the way they think.”  (Romans 12.2) 

The intent of the process is to empower and equip you to grow spiritually deeper and deeper toward spiritual maturity – freedom in Christ!

Remember this phrase: Information without transformation is nothing but empty repetition.

Your addiction isn’t unique, but you are.  Contact me so we can create a manageable process for you to find freedom in Christ. 

Small group discussion was based on Ephesians 3.13-21 and the weekly challenge:

 “Using tonight’s INFORMATION, what is ONE THING you will do differently (TRANSFORMATION) this coming week in your life?

Forgiving Others

It was a hard night at Remedy.  I don’t know about you but these last three sessions opened some wounds I thought were healed!  Obviously, though, they weren’t and needed to be opened to God’s healing touch. 

 Each of you in attendance was given the work sheets from the last three sessions.  I strongly encourage you to prayerfully and carefully work through each one.  If you find that you need someone to help you process your thoughts and emotions, please don’t hesitate to give me a call.  (Unless it’s 2.00 in the morning so I probably won’t hear my phone!  HaHa.  Boy, I’ll never live that one down!) 

 Last night, March 8^th, we visited the issue of FORGIVING OTHERS!  Our primary Scripture was The Lord’s Prayer in Luke 11.1-4.  In that bold prayer, we read the words : “… and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

How do we forgive those who have sinned against us? 

1.        Get rid of the phrase, “I can’t.”  We can because we are empowered by the Holy Spirit. (Ephesians 1.19&20)

2.       Forgiveness is the opposite of revenge.  (Romans 12.19-21)

3.       Forgiveness is obstructed by resentment (also known as bitterness).   There’s a startling statement in AA’s Big Book.  It reads, Resentment is the #1 offender.  It destroys more alcoholics [addicts] than anything else.  From resentment stems all forms of spiritual diseases.   Resentment literally means, feeling backward.  Resentment goes over and over and over an old injury – revisiting the powerlessness, the rage, the anger, the feelings of being wronged! 

4.       Forgiveness is not forgetting.  (Ephesians 4.32.)  We are to forgive one another just as God through Christ forgave us.  God is Omniscient. That means God has perfect knowledge of the past, present and future.  Therefore, it is impossible for God to forget.  God forgives us by choosing not to use our sins against us.  Forgiveness of others is choosing to let go and not hold an offense against someone.

This seems to contradict what Paul states in Philippians 3.13 where he wrote “forgetting the past.” Miles is correct in saying we can’t forget the past because our past makes us who we are today.   That is a whole different issue than forgiving ourselves for past mistakes.  If we don’t get rid of the baggage of the past, it will drag us down and limit our ability to become all God intends us to be.  “Forgetting the past”  is a choice not to use our past against ourselves by letting go of the guilt and shame (aka baggage)of the past.  Holding on to the baggage of the past imprisons us in the “Can’t.”   “God can’t use me; I can’t because…”  Forgiveness of self then is choosing to let go and not hold an offense against ourselves! It’s throwing the Invisible Ball Bat out the door!  

5.       Forgiveness is not excusing the offense.  Forgiveness does not remove responsibility for their actions – or ours!  Excusing the offense devalues the one we are supposed to be forgiving implying they are not responsible for their choices!

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.  

 – Lewis B. Smedes

Let go of the wire! 

From T.D. Jakes, Let it Go: Forgive so You Can be Forgiven

 “Unforgiveness denies the victim the possibility of parole and leaves them stuck in the prison of what was, incarcerating them in their trauma and relinquishing the chance to escape beyond the pain.” (p. 19)

 “Sometimes you must write off the past so that you are available for the future. Whatever is back there, write it off!” (p.117)

 Writing if off doesn’t mean that you didn’t gain anything from the experience. 

 Writing if off doesn’t suggest that you weren’t right about the abusive circumstances that led to the unforgiveness.  It simply means you have too much ahead of you to expend more energy looking back.

Writing it off doesn’t mean you are weak.  It takes a great deal of strength, hope, and faith to move beyond the breach.

Writing if off doesn’t mean you won’t be compensated by some other opportunity ahead of you.  Many times God compensates us with divine favor to balance our lives beyond what has been done to us by others.

Writing it off helps you gain a glimpse into what God does for us with our own sin.  We had a debt we couldn’t pay.  God received payment from an outside source (Jesus Christ) and wrote if off even though we ourselves never made recompense for our transgressions. 

Ø  based on T.D. Jake, Let it Go – p. 118

A new diet

A few years ago, Paul McCartney said we could “save the planet if we would all adhere to a vegan diet”!!  

It is a little known fact that the writer of Hebrews penned the first vegan diet in human history.  It’s true.  Check it out.  Hebrews 10.19-25.  These verses instruct us to live a life filled with “lettuce.” 

v. 22 – “let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting Him.”

v. 23 – “let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm …”

v. 24 – “let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.”

v. 25 – “let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another…”

Pretty healthy way to live, huh?! 

Sir Paul is right.  We could impact our world beyond our wildest dreams if we all adhered to the vegan diet listed in the Bible!